A friend in need

I'm not sure if this is the best place to look for help, but I'm not sure where else to turn. See, I have this friend. She seems to be a good person- a slight mean streak sometimes, but all in all, she is a decent, productive member of society. However, I have been worried about her lately. She has changed. Take the way she dresses for example. Her wardrobe was the very definition of "contemporary business". But on one recent lunch: cleavage. And then there are the accessories. She bought a new purse- I think she called it "Cowgirl Glam". Black leather on one side, black cow fur on the other, with silver studs all over it. And the belt!!! Don't get me started on the belt. I've only seen it in pictures. Let's just say it matches her purse.

"So what's wrong with all this?" you may be asking. "Why can't a girl add some spice to her wardrobe without being heckled?" If it were just the clothing, I would be thrilled for her. Really. I think it is great that she is branching out. I've even done that myself lately with great results, thanks to her. But there is a more sinister side.

About a month ago, my friend attended an event. I didn't think much of it. I'd heard of these things and I thought it sounded like fun- if you're into that kind of thing. She went with several female members of her family. And since then, she has changed. She is just different. Dare I say, brainwashed? She reads articles to me that are related to the event and its leader- the suicide attempts, the near-marriages, it goes on. She has bought sound recordings with material from the event. She has tried to convert another friend and make him a follower- but he was stronger than she expected. Now, she has me in her sights.

I am scheduled to go on a shopping trip with her next Tuesday. I thought it was supposed to be a fun day out. You know, do some Christmas shopping and buy a few things for ourselves. Then yesterday she informed me that we would be listening to her recordings the whole time.

What am I supposed to do? I mean, I respect her point of view and I can even appreciate his work. At one time, I dabbled in some of his works myself. But I never got in as deep as she is now. She is so young, but I think she might be a member of his fan club.

Is there a twelve step program out there for people who are obsessed with Elton John? Or is it too late for my dear friend?

Quick Thought

I am pretty sure the end of the world will be announced on our local country/news radio station with the old tornado warning noise in the background. Not the new, kinder, gentler siren, but the vintage WAH- WA-WA-WA-WAAAHH. That noise sent chills through me everytime I heard it. But I have to admit, I kind of missed hearing it when the tornados went through last week.

Things overheard

Some great fashion advice at Wal-Mart.

A friend and I were browsing the children's department at the local Wal-Mart when we learned a valuable fashion rule. A woman was looking through the clothing when a man- her husband I am assuming- came up to her holding up a pair of camo pants and a striped shirt for her approval. She looked up with a horrified expression and said, "What are you thinking? You can't wear stripes with camo!" Deep down, I think I already knew this, but had never heard it said out loud.

Why the Wal-Mart shopper was grouchy

Another day at Wal-Mart. Me and John. A scruffy lady with three kids trailing her. She seemed to be grouchy, more so than most of the other scruffy shoppers. We found out why she was grumpy when she turned around and began to yell at her children, "Get out of my ass!" NOW we know why she may have seemed a bit irritated. That would make me pretty grouchy, too. I hate having children up my ass.

And on the work front

Well, I am not sure of the context of this quote, but I swear I heard a man say, "I am NOT giving up my position as company whore!" And now I am thinking- he's the company whore? How long has he held this position? And was he appointed to this spot, or did he have to compete for it? Is someone else trying to take his place? Does this position come with extra pay or benefits? Man, and you think your job is rough…

My 100

1. My favorite color- right now- is red.
2. I can't stand grape flavored soda or gum or candy.
3. I feel guilty when I hit a butterfly with my car.
4. It really freaks me out to walk up to someone's house that I don't know.
5. I love shortbread cookies. They are not too sweet and I can eat them by the handful.
6. When I was little, I got mad at my dad and put honey in his shoe.
7. I've always wanted to go super-blonde but never had the nerve.
8. My stripper name would be Sasha.
9. Once when I was in fifth or sixth grade, my neighbor and I tied blue pompons on our heads, put lipstick all over our faces and walked around the neighborhood.
10. I love really HOT salsa.
11. I always wish the same wish when I see a shooting star.
12. My first car was a two tone brown Escort with a diesel motor and orange pinstripes. And it was a standard.
13. My brother taught me to drive that car one night while he drank a six-pack in the passenger's seat.
14. I have a patch of skin across my upper lip that turns dark whenever it is exposed to sunlight. I look like I have a mustache all summer.
15. I don't like it when people touch my face.
16. I love 80's hair bands.
17. My first cat's name was Calico. She lived to be 20 before I ran over her in the driveway.
18. When I was little, I memorized the book, "The Little Red Caboose" and would "read" it to my neighbor.
19. I hate circuses.
20. My number one pet peeve is when people do not buckle their children into car seats.
21. I have always hated mustard but recently I have decided honey mustard is ok.
22. I believe magic is the work of the devil. Not really, but it does piss me off.
23. I used to eat soap bubbles from the dishpan when I was a kid.
24. I am REALLY scared of wasps.
25. I believe that diet soda is worse for me than regular soda.
26. Not too long ago, I bought a tube of cookie dough and ate half of it on the way home from the store.
27. I hated high school.
28. Freaks are attracted to me. They will come across the parking to talk to me.
29. I once fainted in front of the whole church in the middle of the Christmas cantata.
30. When I was little, I wanted to be a doctor. Not a nurse.
31. I was incredibly ugly in grade school Not that I'm hot now (see #14), but hopefully some of the ugly has worn off.
32. I am very much against driving drunk.
33. As a Girl Scout on a fieldtrip to a local TV station, I was terribly disappointed when I was told that they did not actually film the Dukes of Hazard at that station and no, Bo Duke was not there.
34. In my mind, the lyrics to "Smooth Operator" will always be "Ooo Bobba Red-Eye."
35. When I was in high school, none of the teachers would let me out of class to go to the bathroom because they thought I would go smoke. They were probably right.
36. I just recently figured out what the heck "Takhomasak" meant. I thought it was just a nod to the Native Americans until I said it out loud.
37. When I see an ambulance, I say a quick prayer for the people who need help and the people who are trying to help them.
38. I think there is a conspiracy in the cosmetic industry and wrinkle creams are not meant to actually work. They want us to keep buying all their new products.
39. I think the effects of the chemicals in our food and homes will be disastrous and not realized until it is too late.
40. I worry about where our electricity will come from and how it will be transported in the future. Glad there are people smarter than me to take care of that.
41. It scares me to think of the consequences if we don't find out what is happening to the honeybees.
42. Orange blossom honey is the best honey in the world. Not bitter like clover honey.
43. I truly believe that women in the workforce have caused many of the problems in today's society.
44. I cannot tell a joke. (Well, I can tell it, it just isn't funny when I do.)
45. Until last month, I thought that a grackle was a purple martin.
46. Once when I was water skiing, I fell on my butt and got a lake water enema. Disgusting and painful!
47. And for a bit of psycho behavior: The girls at the drive thru window at McDonalds just kept talking and wouldn't take my money while I waited and waited. I was furious and pounded on the window. The girl apologized and explained that she thought I had already paid. When she gave me the change, I threw it at the closed window.
48. My friends and I once took my dad's truck and knocked the mirror off on a pillar in the driveway. We lied and said that some guys were over and one bumped into it and knocked it off.
49. When I was in high school, my date was arrested right in front of my house as he was coming to pick me up.
50. During a fight, I slapped my now-husband on the arm with a Tupperware lid. Boy was he pissed.
51. I tried to teach my cats to walk on leashes. They just turned over on their backs and I pulled them around.
52. My old cat used to say "Hello" over and over and over at night until we would get up and feed her.
53. "I am a hopeless flirt in constant need of men's approval to validate my own self worth." (Borrowed from Dana on "According to Jim")
54. When I first started college, I wanted to declare a biology major, but was advised against it by my advisor who said they were getting ready to revamp the biology department.
55. The first book I ever wrote was titled "The Weed". I wrote it on notebook paper and made the cover out of wax paper.
56. I wanted to play the flute in band, but the director wouldn't let me because my lip was not shaped right. (Purse your lips like you are going to whistle. If there is a little ridge in the center on your top lip- NO FLUTE FOR YOU!)
57. Actually, if they would have let me keep playing the song flute, I would have been happy. I loved that thing. I still have mine.
58. When I was little, I would cry anytime we had plumbing trouble. Sometimes I still do. Plumbing is very important to me.
59. My next project is to learn how to decorate cakes.
60. I don't have a dishwasher and it sucks.
61. The celebrity I have been compared to is Diane Lane.
62. My favorite quote is "If you're going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance." Anon.
63. But I also like "May I never be content. May I never be complete. May I never be perfect." From the book Fight Club.
64. I took piano lessons until I was a senior in high school.
65. My life is sitting in a storage shed waiting for me to live it.
66. I think my husband has the sexiest eyes.
67. I am really hard on automobiles- especially the brakes.
68. I have only received one ticket so far- for running a red light.
69. I don't like beer, but my favorite whiskey is Southern Comfort.
70. I once used an Epilady and took off every hair on both my arms. Just the memory of the pain makes me cringe.
71. I love live music. Especially rock concerts.
72. After a long hard day at work, I like to go home, turn up the stereo and dance myself silly in the living room.
73. My favorite thing about having a vegetable garden is eating sweet corn right after it is picked.
74. I can- and have- made a meal out of rolls hot from the oven.
75. I love watching sitcoms.
76. I have had migraines since I was 14.
77. I love hot weather.
78. Cameron Diaz is my favorite actress.
79. If I had to move away from here, I would move somewhere on the Gulf Coast- preferably within walking distance of the beach.
80. If I were a bird, I would want to be a mocking bird because they are always singing and they look like they have fun all the time.
81. In grade school, I was completely in love with Jason Awalt. I wonder whatever happened to him.
82. When I was in Jr. High, I was given the not so flattering name, Flamingo.
83. I shared a room with my grandmother until I was 12.
84. My favorite day of the week is Friday because I love the anticipation of the weekend.
85. My shade of lipstick is "Caramel Kiss" by Jane.
86. The 4th of July is my favorite holiday.
87. I think my nephew is one of the neatest, most intelligent, most interesting people in the world.
88. I lived on a farm until I was two, then we moved to town.
89. A friend and I taught ourselves to spit properly one day in my mom's front yard. I'm sure she was proud.
90. My first experience with drinking was in eighth grade. My mom had to come pick me up- literally- after I drank nearly a fifth of Mad Dog 20/20.
91. When I walk on a sidewalk, I find myself trying to step the same number of times in each square.
92. When I eat pie, I always eat the meringue first because it is my least favorite part. Just like with Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, I eat the chocolate from the edges first so I can enjoy the peanut butter middle.
93. I hate riding the bulldozer with my husband when he is pushing trees because I feel sad for the trees.
94. I always feel like the Amish are judging me when we are all at the store and I am wearing shorts and summer tops.
95. I used to want to go skydiving and bungee jumping, but my trip on the slingshot took care of both those urges.
96. When my permanent teeth came in, my front right tooth came in almost sideways. Very attractive. I learned to smile without moving my top lip- I just kind of pulled down my bottom lip. Again, very attractive.
97. In high school, we used to play with the Ouija board and it always told me that I would marry my friend's cousin Brad. I didn't, but my friend with the same first name as mine did.
98. I used to think that if I didn't have kids, I wouldn't gain weight. I thought we would have more money, too. Boy, was I wrong.
99. My best friend moved in with my family and me during high school. We are no longer best friends.
100. My favorite candle scent is Sun & Sand by Yankee Candle.

Now what?

Finally! I now have my bachelor's degree. I have been working on this thing for what seems like FOREVER. Three semesters at MSU, one semester at OTC- thanks Kim, for all the fun times there, and then the last five years doing night classes at Drury. And now I finally have that little piece of paper with my name on it. And it feels GREAT!!

Friends

So, I'm at Wal-Mart, no make-up on, old denim capris and a t-shirt when I run into my best friend from high school. Our paths rarely cross anymore. She, of course, looked great. Not in that over-done trying-too-hard kind of way, but in the way that looked like she might just wake up looking like that. Natural, radiant beauty. I was immediately transported back to high school when we would crowd around the mirror in my mom's bathroom getting ready to go out for the night. Through the haze of hairspray and perfume, I would look at our reflections and wonder why anyone would ever look at me when she was around.

As we stood in the aisle and chatted, I could feel my zits swell and my grey roots grow, while her skin remained porcelain and hair shiny. After we said good-bye with promises of phone calls and lunches, I felt terrible. I felt ugly and fat and old. How can someone my own age make me feel old??

And I started to wonder how a friendship that was once so close was now so awkward. There was no big falling out, just a falling away. It reminds me of that email about friends that are friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

I always thought that we would be friends for a lifetime, but somehow it didn't turn out that way. I will always cherish the memories of us. From falling out of a tent - it was on stilts- at Girl Scout camp in 6^th grade, to smoking lettuce- literally - and my first -and only- time spray painting. I remember thinking that we would be friends forever. Our children would grow up together, our husbands would go hunting together, and we would remain the unstoppable duo we always had been. Things changed, though I'm not quite sure when.

Even though I am older now and I realize that even the best friendship is not guaranteed to last, I am still grateful for each of my friends. They mean the world to me and I am glad I don't know which ones will leave and which ones will stay. I truly believe that God puts certain people in our lives for a reason, and I am blessed with the friends he has given me. I love you all!

Courage

Three times recently, God has sent me situations where I could have made a difference. Three times, I stood back and relied on someone else to step in where I didn't.

At school on Tuesday, I noticed a stray dog running around the campus grounds ahead of me. As our paths were about to intersect, he darted out into the street. I looked up and saw a car headed straight for him. Did I wave my arms, yell, and try to keep this mutt from getting smashed? No. I just covered my eyes with my hands, turned my head and waited for the thump.

Luckily, the girl walking behind me also saw what was about to happen. She screamed and alerted the driver of the dog, much to the driver's (and the dog's) relief.

Last night, my husband and I were playing with our dog, Bo. The dog was excited and jumped up on the futon. His back leg slipped off the mattress and ended up caught in the frame. Of course, this freaked him out and he started to jump to the floor, which would have most certainly broken his wedged leg.

Thank goodness, John sprang into action and lifted the dog up and out of the frame. I, instead, sat there silently with a horrified look on my face.

And this morning on my drive in to work, I noticed that the road ahead was really foggy. Then I realized it wasn't fog, but smoke coming from a house. There were no fire trucks or first responders or anyone. And sadly, no frightened family standing outside watching their home burn. As I slowly drove past, I dialed 911 and reported the fire. Apparently, someone else had already called it in and she asked if the fire department was there yet. During the conversation with the operator, a first responder did show up and I drove on.

Why didn't I stop? Why didn't I go running up to the house the second I realized that it was smoke coming from the roof? I keep picturing the family asleep inside, slowly dying from the smoke. I pray that they are all ok and that they did not suffer from my lack of courage.

Monkey mystery revealed

My Monday night class has some interesting characters in it- English classes always do. We have one girl who had her own fight club, another who is growing a pretty nice goatee, and one guy who apparently worships the sun- not in the George Hamilton kind of way, but in the build an alter and sacrifice lambs kind of way. (Actually I don't know if he has ever sacrificed an animal, but you get the point.)

But my personal favorite was the girl who carried the stuffed monkey. Everyday. She seemed pretty normal except for the fact that there was a stuffed monkey sitting in her lap during class. I wanted to ask her so many times, but never had the nerve to just say, "Hey, what's with the monkey?"

Last night, she told the story of how she came to carry the monkey. She told us that she was having trouble adjusting to college life and was struggling with depression. While visiting a gift shop with her family, she saw this monkey and he just called out to her. She bought him and took him to class with her the next day as a kind of safety blanket. When she returned to class a few days later without the monkey, people asked her where he was. And so, she began carrying him with her from then on.

For some reason, this story kind of disappointed me. I was hoping for something with a little more twist to it. Although it is pretty weird for a college senior to carry a stuffed animal, the reason was a bit boring. I was looking for something like- "My father makes me carry it so that I won't have any dates." Or "The soul of my dead cat is in this monkey." Or "What do you mean monkey? This is my child!"

To her credit, monkey girl did give me something to think about when she talked about her depression. She said that depression does not define her any more than Lex Luther defines Superman. Lex is just Spuerman's rival, a force that he fights against. I kind of liked that.

We're all ok

Just a few more weeks and I will gradute with my bachelor's degree. Finally! Only forteen years after I graduated high school. I hear some people only take four years get through it. Overachievers!!
One of my last assignments is to talk for 8-10 minutes about what I believe and why I need to believe that. This is really a tough assignment for me. One of my favorite quotes is "I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief." (Gerry Spence) There are very few things that I believe so strongly that I would never even consider another person's beliefs. So when I start working on this talk, I end up with more questions than statements.
Is it bad to be this way? It's not that I don't know what I believe or that I am lost and searching for some truth. It's just that I feel like by expressing my beliefs I am saying that another person's beliefs are wrong. And I don't feel qualified to say that, just as I feel that no one I know is qualified to tell me that my beliefs are wrong.
I'm glad that people have differing opinions. Anything that makes me question my stance on an issue helps me to define what is important to me and to learn why I feel the way I do about the subject. I think I might need to change my life song to the theme song from "Different Strokes".--What might be right for you may not be right for some--

Decaf please

Things I am stressed about right now:

1. My campaigns project is due in two weeks and we finally got started on it just last night.
2. Our tax guy misplaced our taxes and then filed an extension for us without bothering to call and let us know.
3. My hair is falling out on top and I am afraid I will look like my father.
4. My parent's 50th wedding anniversary is in less than two months and it is my job to plan it.
5. I turned in a shit paper in one of my classes and I really need that class to graduate.
6. My niece is graduating next month.
7. The prospect of building a new house keeps getting farther and farther away.
8. I am trying to eat healthier, but I am still gaining weight.
9. I feel like I am really slipping at my job.
10. My house is a disaster.
11. My hair has stopped responding to treatment and now does its own thing.
12. My skin is freaking out and I have zits. I thought it would be a temporary thing, but it keeps going.

I know what time it is

Yes, we are those people. We are the ones the tax prep guys hate. As usual, this year we will come to a screeching halt in front of the financial services office, jump from the car with receipts trailing behind us, lunge through the door then throw ourselves on the ground in front of the receptionist begging for an appointment with the ALMIGHT TAX PREP GUY. (And in case he is reading this, I mean that in the most reverential way.) And again, she will sigh, glancing at the calendar while she begins filling out our forms. She is not surprised. She is not worried.

So how is it that just this morning, my husband realized- "Holy shit! Our taxes are due in one week!"

Then he has to call me at work and share this revelation. I refuse to get excited, because although I may not be as smart as the tax prep guy’s receptionist, I too, have caught on to the pattern. My lack of panic completely pissed him off and by the end of the conversation, he was threatening me with divorce. I’m not sure how it is my fault that he does not have his receipts gathered and figured, but I am sure it is. And I’m sure that we will not be the only ones in the tax office this week. I just hope there is not a line to grovel for the receptionist.

So many questions

A while back, we were trying to come up with possible interview questions for a co-worker who was applying for a new position in the company. Of course he got the usual responses like "Where do you see yourself in five years?", "How would you handle X if Y happened?" etc. I was trying to be a bit more creative in my questions. I finally submitted
"If you had to get rid of one state, which one would it be?" (Incidentally, Louisiana was the number one answer.)

But while I was trying to come up with an off the wall question like that, I pondered several other questions like- "If you could have lunch with one person, living or dead, who would it be?" Personally, I think lunch with a dead person would not be too much fun. And because of my friend Kim, I have to say Jesus because if he is an option and I don’t choose him, then I am surely going to hell.
Another question I thought about was “What is the theme song for your life?” Hmmm, so many possibilities. Maybe something fun and flirty. Or, for my other personality, something dark and scary. And I think I’ve come up with one that might work for both sides. I copied the lyrics from the No Doubt website. It’s called “Just a Girl”.
Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand

'Cause I'm just a girl, little ol' me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights
Oh... I've had it up to here!

The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things
I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things
That I fear

'Cause I'm just a girl,
I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night
I'm just a girl,
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes
I'm just a girl,
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype
Oh... I've had it up to here!
Oh... am I making myself clear?

I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world...
That's all that you'll let me be!
I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some
I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to
Is making me numb
I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison

Things that are bothering me right now:

1. What if I am one of those women who age really poorly and young children are afraid of me?
2. My parents are turning 70 this year. For me, seventy has always been that mark where you went from middle aged to officially old. What if they get sick? What if I can’t take care of them? What if they want to come live with me??
3. What if the chemicals in cosmetics and shampoos and lotions really do all that terrible stuff that I’ve been reading about?
4. My grandma died yesterday. She was the last of the grandparents.
5. I start my final semester of school today and I am so scared that something will happen and I will fail my classes and not graduate in May.

And really, that is all I can come up with right now. Instead of looking for more things to worry about, I think I’ll move on.

Day six of my reluctant conversion to Amishness

Like Kim said in her blog, we are in the midst of an ice storm. We haven’t had power for what is going on six days. We didn’t have water for about four of those days. That is back now- yay! Through all this, we have been camping out on the futon in our living room and heating with a propane heater- it works, but it takes a while to warm the room. Last night, John brought home a kerosene heater. The fumes were terrible, but that thing really put out the heat, so I really couldn’t complain too much. (And yes, I have been testing our CO detector religiously.) I have been showering at my parent’s house, and I have been picking up supper in town on the way home from work. Kind of nice to not have to cook, but we are starting to get bored with the limited selection of restaurants.

So, I would expect that during this time of turmoil, a person’s basic instinct would be to hunker down and just focus on getting through this. Instead, my instinct is to shop. For anything. I went to Wal-Mart yesterday and bought propane and batteries. That helped a little. But I can’t wait until I can hit the mall again or the discount stores. It’s not that I need anything; I just feel a need to consume. Like maybe that new pair of shoes will some how make it less dark in my house. Or a new shade of lipstick will make the food left sitting in my lifeless refrigerator fresh again.

I hope this is over soon, not just for my husband and me, but for everyone. It is pretty scary to think of those people who don’t have a resourceful husband like mine to take care of them and to heat their home for them and to snuggle up next to them at night. He has really come through for us. Maybe I should go buy him something.

The Case of the Shrinking Sweaters

Why do my sweaters keep shrinking?  It’s not the weight gain- these are new sweaters and they fit before I washed them.  I don’t put them in the dryer- I just lay them flat like the label says, but they seem to be shorter every time.  Any suggestions?

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Week 1 results

With one week down on my “eating better” challenge, the only thing I have to report is that I am holding steady. Right down to the tenth of a pound that they now find it necessary to put on scales. Weekdays, I was so good. I had a low-cal yogurt smoothie for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, and drank plenty of water. Yes, I snuck a few chocolate covered pretzels that had somehow survived my week of gluttony between Christmas and New Year’s, but all in all, I think I did pretty well. In the evenings, I would eat a normal supper and didn’t really worry about it. I figured that ANY improvement was better than no improvement. And that was the whole reason my goal was to eat better instead of to lose weight. (Even though the losing weight part is my real goal.)

Up till now, I have been blessed with a great metabolism. Unfortunately, I must have misplaced this gift somewhere in the past year because it is nowhere to be found. One perk to this is that my body is much more animated now- there are parts that jiggle, parts that roll, and my favorite- the parts under my arms that flap when I gesture. I have always told people that if I ever started gaining weight, I would just have to weigh 300 pounds because I have no will power. I think I proved that fact this weekend when I stopped by Pizza Hut and ordered a pizza for me and John. He wasn’t at home when I got there, so I ate the pizza myself. Not just part of it: I ate the whole pizza!

This week, I think I will work on portion control. Maybe just eat half the pizza next time…